


Coffee and Murder

by kimsnothere



Category: Hawkeye (Comics), Young Avengers
Genre: Cockroach killing, Crack Fic, Gen, Hawkeye and hawkeye are bros, I'm Sorry, Lucky is the best, based on real awful life events, i wrote this at two in the morning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-02
Updated: 2015-12-02
Packaged: 2018-05-04 13:34:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5335943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kimsnothere/pseuds/kimsnothere
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After staying up way too late on yamblr, Kate comes to realize the importance of sleep.</p>
<p>Or:  Kate freaks out because of a cockroach and Clint is no help at all with killing it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Coffee and Murder

**Author's Note:**

> So first things first, this is my first one-shot that I have successfully finished and not abandoned halfway through in about three years so if possible, constructive criticism please. Thank you.:)
> 
> Based on real life events that happened last night at two in the morning and has scarred me for life. 
> 
> Also, this is 112% a crack fic, so most of everything is exaggerated. Enjoy!

Kate futzed up big time. It’s three in the morning because she had been on the phone for four hours past the time she ‘promised’ herself she would go to bed and she had finally had the self control to put her phone down (more like her eyes were so dry and tired that they burned and felt like they would drop from her sockets if she didn’t get at least four hours of sleep) when the absolute worst thing in the world happened. She finished brushing her teeth and washing away the whole day of stupidity, to only end up wiping her face all over… a cockroach. In her lawless sleepless mind that was craving coffee or murder (or both), she hadn’t even registered the big ass cockroach just chilling on Clint’s green hand towel.

But that’s not even the worst part, although it had to make one of the top ten worst things to ever happen to her in her life; this all coming from a stand-up gal who routinely gets shot at for fun. The absolute worst part was the gut retching shriek she in sighted once she noticed the monster lurking right in front of her eyes after going in for a second wipe. Not the best thing for when you sleep at a friend’s house who also happens to be a master assassin.

“What?! What’s going on?” A completely focused Clint shouts as he rushed downstairs in his pajamas gripping the drawn bowstring with an arrow already knocked. Kate whipped around still in her defensive stance, only letting it down when she sees him.

“There is a damn motherfutzing cockroach in your damn bathroom on your damn towel! And, wow I just said damn a lot.” She kept pointing to the towel fight or flight still pumping adrenaline through her blood.

“Why didn’t you just kill it? Why wake up the entire apartment building?”

“I don’t have anything to kill it with! I can’t just kill it with my futzing hands like someone from the savage lands! I need a shoe or something! Or you! You go kill it! It’s gross and I need to use bleach on my, “She gestured to her face and then the rest of her body, “everywhere.”

“No! I’m not gonna use my hands either! I know what kinds of diseases they carry around with them on their little roach bodies! And it’s not like we can get Lucky to do it! Although he probably wouldn’t want to do it either; it’s just common sense.” The roach was now making itself at home all over the towel, “Aww, towel… I liked that towel, I can’t believe it has to burn.” He muttered.

“Clint! You haven’t changed out of those pajamas in two days! You’ve been sitting in here watching episodes of ‘Dog Cops’ on Webflix!”

“That’s different!”

“Well something has to happen now while we still can! We need to deal with this like the level headed adults that we are.” She exclaimed, Clint shot her a bitch face while she paused for a second then holding out her hand, “Give me your arrow” He hugged his arrows close to his chest for protection.

“No! You cannot use any of my arrows to kill the bug. Get your shoe or something!” 

“I was wearing very expensive free people boots today that aren’t going anywhere near that thing.” She responded and looked at him, “where’s your purple converse?”

“By the door, but Katie you can’t use them! I wear those everywhere!” He told her as she rushed to fetch them. “It’s like I’m talking to a wall or something,” he muttered. Returning triumphantly with the shoes she inched towards the towel with caution, grabbing it with two fingers pinching at one corner she tossed it onto the ground and repeatedly started hitting the roach with the bloodlust she had been craving. Once it was finally in a hundred million pieces and only a grease stain on a small piece of toilet paper flushed immediately down the toilet she breathed again.

“One of the only things that are not great about New York is the constant threat of invasion… By roaches and rats, although the problem with our society-“

“Wow Katie-Kate. You were about to get way too deep there.” Clint told her going to the kitchen as Lucky joined them. “One great guard dog you are, huh?” He asked lucky and they both swore he gave a bit more of a smile than usual. “Well, I’m not going to sleep after that, and I don’t think you can too. Coffee?”

“Uggh, Please.”

**Author's Note:**

> As I said before, This is absolutely a crack fic, and Kate's comment of the top ten awful things to ever happen to her... I know this wouldn't make the top hundred but it's supposed to be a joke.
> 
> I hope you liked it... If you did please leave a comment and a kudos below, thanks for reading!
> 
> Btw: These are the shoes she didn't want to use: http://goo.gl/XjcikK


End file.
